Will of Iron, Heart of Gold
by Rattlin666666
Summary: Follows Sam and Brooke from nearly the end of Season 1, through to the end of Season 2. From Sam and Brooke's POV's, exploring their relationship. Read and Review Please!
1. Chapter 1

**Author's Pre-notes** (Partially repeated in Chapter 8 as thats when the change occurs)

This was formerly meant to be finished after the first 7 chapters, and instead I'd continue it in another story, but I've opted to change the format, and will instead continue this story. The story beings in Episode 20 of Season 1, and will move to the end of Season 2, exploring Sam/Brooke moments. No explicit Bram occurences will occur, merely implications. This is all setup for future S/B relations.

I'd also like to add that I was formerly opposed to S/B relations, didn't seem to fit. I've been forced to re-evaluate that situation, and make a modification to my theory on that. It's something different, way different, then what you typically read. I'm looking forward to revealing that eventually. Though no fluffy stuff. As much as lesbo is hot (as any guy must admit), I just don't write fluff of any kind.

So it switches between Sam and Brooke's POV, which will be clearly shown. Chapter lengths vary, as I tend to write a whole ton and THEN section up the chapters based on what fits. Also, I skip parts in the shows. For every minute of dialogue on camera, it takes me approximately 5 minutes to just copy down what they said and a short blurb of how they said it, PLUS adding my own insights after that, as well as additional writings. 20-25 minutes of a show involve Sam and Brooke, so some sacrifices must be made.

Disclaimer: Don't own it!

* * *

Brooke's Point of View

* * *

"Ok this is completely ridiculous! I can't believe they're even considering it!" 

"You're telling me! Your mom can NOT adopt me."

Sam nodded emphatically back to me. "And I have a dad. We have parents. We can't let this go."

It was just after dinner, where Sam and I had gotten busted over trying to frame my dad as being a cheater. Where we had found out about them wanting to adopt the two of us. And I was NOT down with it. Nay, I was very much opposed to it. As much as I'd grown to care about Sam now, and I was, in a way, happy that my Dad and Jane had found each other, I did NOT need a mother.

"Girls, let's try to keep the conspiracies to a minimum," called up Jane. She was actually handling this pretty well. Considering what we'd tried to do… what we were trying to do now, the fact that she was making a joke about it kinda comforted me in a weird way. Like she knew something I didn't.

Neither of us replied, just looked at each other. Finally I said, "Why don't we just get some sleep. We can talk more in the morning." Sam nodded, and she took off to the bathroom, sneaking in there before I could get in. "Oh yoooooou!" I exclaimed lightly as I basically ran into the door, and she just laughed back.

"Early… well… not quite as late bird gets the bathroom!"

I almost chuckled at that. It was a running feud between us about getting the bathroom first. The problem was we both liked to sleep in so late, so it was a challenge to get up late, but not so late you didn't get the bathroom before the other. It was a constant battle, one that I was ashamed to say I tended to lose. She seemed to have it timed JUST right to mess with me.

"I'll get you tomorrow McPherson!"

I realized I genuinely enjoyed having Sam around. I mean, sure, she wouldn't be my typical friend, or the sister I had always imagined when I was younger. But… sister's weren't supposed to be the same, were they? Sisters were supposed to be friends even if they were very different, and I guess Sam was my sister. She was fun, she was witty, she had a good code of morals, and hell, she was smart, way smarter then me.

Maybe having her around was a good thing. She had certainly turned me around I would have to say (but never publicly!). I mean, look at me at the start of this year. A craven **BITCH**. Why the hell did I get so worked up over the editorials she wrote? Sure, they were damning, they were pretty mean, but… they were mostly truth. The money that went to the glamazons could have been used better at other places. And the cheating…

I don't want to talk about the cheating. I know Sam even tried to stop the exposure. I know that she refused to turn over the evidence she had that would get the rest of us caught, which would save her grade. She caught a lot of flack for that, but she did that just cause she's a good person. And I think she's starting to rub off on me.

I turned and stalked back to my room, passing Jane. She smiled at me, despite all I'd done, and I smiled back, avoiding her eyes though. She was just so damn nice. "Sam beat you again huh?" she asked.

I lolled my head to the side. "Do you always beat Mike too?"

She laughed. "Not nearly as much of a competition."

I smiled wider, still avoiding looking at her. "Really? I know Dad spends hours on his hair."

"I know… I don't fight him for it."

I couldn't help but laugh at her crack. It was a running joke between me and my Dad that he spends way too much time on his looks, and Jane had picked up on it. There was an awkward silence after the laughter though, and I glanced at Jane's eyes.

I saw genuine hurt there. Pain, and sadness. I'd hurt her, I realized. Sam and I had, that is, with our little stunt. She cared about me, and I did something like that. Suddenly I felt uneasy about what we'd done.

I think she saw the flash of guilt across my face, because she looked away. "I uhh… just was gonna drop something off in Sam's room. Good night Brooke."

"Good night…" I paused as I realized I was about to say mom. "…Jane." I don't know if she noticed my hitch or not, I just walked to my room.

* * *

I awoke with a huge breath and in a panic. That had been one HELL of a nightmare. Black and white torturing Sam kinda nightmare. I then realized there was a shape on my bed. I glanced at it, and saw Sam. 

I gasped in shock and nearly had a heart attack I think. She was sitting there, eating honeycomb cereal, and creepily watching me. She blinked a little weirdly then her deep brown eyes settled on me, calming me

"GOD, stalk much!" I exclaimed.

"Another nightmare," she asked in her smooth voice.

I grunted back a 'yea'

"Me too. Look Brooke we're gonna have to be strong during this family counseling thing today. For the first time ever we're gonna have to put up a united front, or else this nightmare, will be a lifelong one."

I wanted to say something. To say that I enjoyed having her around. Hell, that I liked her, that I liked Jane. That I thought we could be more then just friendly enemies. But she really was dead set against our families coming together. She had this genuine rage at me I guess, maybe my Dad too, and that kinda rules out anything more then friendly enemies. I guess… what I want could be considered cruel to her. Because she doesn't want this. Maybe I shouldn't force this on her then. I lo… like her too much to push that on her.

Instead, I simply reached over and grabbed some cereal.


	2. Chapter 2

Sam's Point of View

* * *

"I'm ready for you now." I looked over at the psychologist… the evil one who was going to try to trick this 'family' together. 

I was ready for this. I'd done some research last night and today, and figured out some of the tricks he would try to use. He showed us in, and then handed me and Brooke some heavily padded bats. "I would like the two of you to, **lightly**, smack the person you are feeling rage at whenever your rage grows over a certain level. Keep the amount of hitting down; we don't want this to get out of hand."

We both nodded, looking at each other. I wanted to smack everyone in this room right now, but I figured that wouldn't help my cause at all. Instead I sat down in the middle, Brooke on my left and my Mom on my right, fiddling with the bat. We sat there, silent for a good 30 seconds or so as the psychologist just watched us.

Finally, my rage at this whole endeavor boiled over and I smacked out at my Mom, hitting her right in the face. I felt a moment of triumph over that.

Then I felt Brooke's bat slap me in the face. I glanced over at her, then started stuttering. "I… hu… why did she just hit me?" I asked, shocked.

Mike jumped in. "Shouldn't Brooke's teen rage be directed against me?" Of course it should! Why the hell should she hit me! We're in this together.

"Yes… one would think. Brooke's act of aggression is interesting though." He moved to sit down. "Do you know what it tells me? That maybe Sam is the lone dissenter to this union of two households." I rolled my eyes. "Sam..? True or false?"

I couldn't believe we were even considering this. Of course Brooke was on my side. We wanted no part of each other! "False Doctor Pudmarken. Brooke and I both feel that we don't want to be adopted and that we don't want to be sisters!" I exclaimed angrily, as I looked at Brooke who actually looked ashamed of something.

"We just wanted to be a family, and we wanted… I wanted… you to have a father," my Mom responded.

I couldn't believe it! What the hell was she saying! "I already HAVE a father, or did you already forget him?" I shocked myself with that statement. That was cold! I saw pain in my mom's eyes, and I wanted to stop, but I couldn't. "And if you hadn't noticed, you already have a daughter too!" I turned away from her, feeling guilty already.

Mike, always nosing in, jumped in. "Sam, adoption is not about erasing memories. It's about… it's about caring for you! It's about showing you and Brooke that we love you enough to provide for you legally in case something should happen to either your mother or myself. It's not meant to be a threat."

I had to admit, Mike wasn't a bad guy. I mean, don't get me wrong, he's no Saint. He's definitely not my Dad. But… it's not like I resented him. He made my mom happy, and that made me happy… it a round about way. But that doesn't mean I wanted him in my life anymore then the bare minimum!

I took a breath, trying to refrain from saying anything I'd regret. Where the hell was Brooke in this? "Brooke, will you please wake up and defend me here?" She cleared her throat. "Tell them, we do not want this, we will not cooperate!"

She picked up thank god. "Right, Dad, Mom…"

I shook my head at that notion. Did she just say that! "MOM! W-w-w-w-wait, she is NOT your mom. You don't want that!"

I saw her struggling, and I felt my stomach fold in on itself. I was being betrayed again, by Brooke. I wanted to collapse into the sofa. She wanted my Mom. I could tell. She wanted to take my Mom, it all came together. The stunt last night drove me and Mom further apart then it did Brooke and my Mom, and now by me fighting it, it would drive us further apart. She could swoop in and take my Mom from me. But… I couldn't stop fighting! Not now! I refused to be drawn into this!

"Actually… Sam… I think of do."

"What…"

I zoned out as she responded, half paying attention. Good lord how could I stop this. What could I do?

I realized she'd finished, and that she left me a hole. I gladly took it. "Fine! FINE. What**EVER**, we are still neglecting a big point here. We're old enough to have a say in what our family is. I am sixteen! I am not five! If I'm going to be adopted I want a say and I say I don't WANT THAT!" I was almost crying. I can't believe this. Everything's falling apart so fast.

Damn you to hell Brooke, you just jump in again immediately. "Well I do want that! I've really come to love Jane, I mean, she's sort of filled a hole that I've always had in my heart, and I don't think of this, this wedding or this adoption as getting a mother forced on me because I think that she's become one naturally. Just by being who she is." She paused, the craven bitch, she is, gathering her thoughts. "So… Jane. I would like very much for you to be my mother."

I turned to look at my Mom, feeling the walls crumbling around me.

"I would love that Brooke."

It was like I was falling, and things just kept getting worse. I collapsed back into the sofa. "Great," I said, defeated.

I watched detachedly as they hugged, feeling my Mom slipping away, evermore. Gone… wouldn't be long now, just like my Dad.

NO. I wasn't going to accept this. This was NOT acceptable. I rose, and hit Brooke… hard and angrily. She gasped. My whole world was focused on Brooke. On getting that backstabbing bitch. She hit me back, but I was ready. Besides, I'm stronger then her. I could take her.

We dissolved into a full out melee, slamming at each other. I know I got better then I took. I was pretty sure she'd bruise from it I thought to myself ruefully. When Dr Pudmarken tried to push in, our rage turned to him, and it took my Mom and Mike to drag us off.

This was just great. A great way for my day to go!


	3. Chapter 3

Brooke's Point of View

* * *

I don't know when I came to realize that I did want to be adopted by Jane. That I wanted to become a part of Sam's family. I guess that it was actually this morning, after my talk with Sam. I realized that, yes, I wanted Jane around. She was great. She was everything I imagined my mom would be. 

But… now that I think about it. I wasn't sure that was the main reason. I mean, that reason by itself was almost enough to make me want to go along with this. But what if there was something more. I realized this morning I was drawn to Sam. I don't know how, or why. I wanted Sam to be a part of my life, no matter what. This was another way of ensuring it.

Of course, Sam was pissed about it. I knew she would be. Couldn't really blame her for it either. I mean, I betrayed her. Hung her out to dry so to speak. Now she looks really… really… really bad and I look good, like a rose.

So naturally she dragged me aside first chance she got. We really got into it, and I realized that she thought I was trying to steal Jane away. I realized that it could look like that, that I wanted to steal her Mom. But I didn't want to steal Jane. I wanted to share her. Jane had enough love to go around, and so did my dad. Why couldn't Sam see that?

And as I spoke about Jane, about my own mom, I realized something. That I was finally ready to let go. Let go of my Mom. No… let go of the woman who called herself my mother. Because she was NOT my Mom. I said so to Sam, and I like to think that she understood me. What I was saying that is.

It was only after I was walking away I realized I said nothing that would abate her fears. But it was too late. I couldn't go back now. I couldn't stand in front of Sam again.

Then I realized something else. I had agreed with Jane that I would help her with the wedding tonight. That I was going to spend time with her. And that I hadn't told Sam still, as I'd planned too. This was not a good idea… but I couldn't stop myself, as I took off for home.


	4. Chapter 4

Sam's Point of View

* * *

I shouldn't be surprised. I really shouldn't. Brooke had of course betrayed me; I don't know why I expected otherwise. 

I did grant, however, that her reasoning was at least somewhat sound. About her mother that is. I mean, I don't know how I'd feel… but it was probably a lot like how she was feeling.

I sighed dejectedly, heading for my locker. What I wanted was to crawl into my Mom's arms and cry. To just be with her. But that wasn't an option now. Not anymore. I passed Harrison, avoiding interacting with him. I knew that I was in a bad mood, and I didn't want to be anymore of a drag on him then I already have been. He was my best friend, the greatest guy in the world, and I didn't want to drive him away. I saw him peek a glance, but I just opened my locker

Finally he said something. "Let me guess. Sam's in a bad mood. That must mean…" he paused for dramatic effect, "…not getting along with Sister."

I wanted to just hug him and cry myself out. To let myself go. But I refused to. Instead I replied, "Is it that obvious?" I realized my voice sounded pathetic. Weak, sad, as if I'd given up. I figured I better continue though. "I feel like I'm at the end of my rope and the box has been kicked out from under me." I shut my locker and turned around, leaning against it. "I can't take it anymore. I can't take this school anymore." Good lord this was sounding pathetic and depressing. Bumming MYSELF out and I was already sad.

"Sammy," he started, a bit of pity in his voice. "Everybody feels that way."

I ignored his comment, instead saying, "Do you think I'm in danger of becoming a bitch?"

"Yeppp," he responded shortly.

I glanced over. "I know. If Brooke's mom hadn't been such a freak and left her own daughter at eight this whole thing wouldn't be happening. There's gotta be a way to stop this marriage." It felt good to lay into Brooke's mom. To lash out. I realized blaming others wouldn't help, but it sure felt good!

"Why are you so afraid of that actually happening?" Harrison responded pointedly. He was trying to understand, and I loved him for it, even if I doubted he could understand. He genuinely cared.

I turned to him. "Are you kidding? I've already lost a father, now I've gotta lose a mother too?" I smiled ruefully at him.

This seemed to spur him a bit. "Come on Sammy, you're seeing this all wrong! You're not losing anything." Bless his Brooke loving heart. He didn't see it. Couldn't say I was surprised. He's so damn trusting.

"We used to be this great team." I smiled as I thought back on the great memories I had with my mom. "Ya know, it was us, us against the world even when my Dad died." I pushed that thought aside quickly. I didn't need to be reminded of him. "She never cried once during that whole time. Even at the funeral. You know why she never cried?"

"Why?" he asked, just to let me know he was listening I think.

I smiled as I turned at him. "Cause she said I was her rock." He smiled at me, and I felt a little better for some reason. "We used to spend time together and now we don't, now she's always with Mike or Brooke. I just… I feel like I lost my best friend. And I want her back." It slipped out without me being able to edit it. Harrison was my best friend, but he wasn't my mom. Her and I… we used to be so good. Perfect.

"Sam… Look… it's not like your mom's going to let herself be stolen away by Brooke."

My eyes welled up. "She will…" I thought about it for a moment. "She already has." I realized how this was going, and I didn't wanna dump on Harrison. I quickly stood and walked a few paces before turning to him. "Look… I'm sorry. I'm sorry I'm such a drag." God I can't do anything right. I just seem to suck at everything now. For my friends especially. "I can't help the way I feel, even if I am overreacting." I turned and walked away, before he could see me start to cry.

I stumbled to the Novac, in a daze. This was not how I'd pictured this going. Not just this day… my whole damn life! First my dad dies, and that was hard, but with Harrison and my mom, I made it through it. I walked over to the mirror, and looked at my face. My lower lip was trembling, I hadn't even noticed, and I had tears streaking down my face. I grabbed a Kleenex, wiping away the tears. I had to be strong, I had to THINK.

I took a deep breath, centering myself. I could deal. I would go home to my Mom. Apologize. Hell, maybe even say that I was happy with Jane adopting Brooke. That I would support their marriage. But I was standing firm on the adoption thing for me! Mike would NOT adopt me.

I felt better already. It seemed like releasing to Harrison, and to myself, made me feel better. I cleaned up my face a bit, before leaving.

* * *

It's amazing how fast that one's resolve can change. One minute, I'm ready to throw in the white flag and accept it. The next, I realize it might be too late to throw in the white flag, and that I might just HAVE to fight it now. 

After talking to Harrison, I had gone to see my dad. To talk it out with him. It had been tough, but I guess the time just flew by, cause by the time I got home it was dark. But that wasn't a bad thing. The horrible thing was as I was walking up I saw my Mom and Brooke having the time of their lives. They were just laughing and talking and… well hell I dunno what. But it crushed me. I wanted to die right there. Brooke and my Mom… it wasn't my Mom and me anymore. I sat down heavily, and I felt tears leak out slowly, but I ignored them. It was just a few tears, but then Jane handed Brooke a box, and she opened it and it was the veil.

Great. Just great. I started to cry more, and my vision blurred as I saw Brooke just light up, as did my mom. She was gone, stolen by that greedy whore of a 'sister' I have.

This wouldn't last. I'd see to it. At all costs. Whatever it may be.


	5. Chapter 5

Sam's Point of View

* * *

"Sam, how sweet your being." I turned to look at Nicole. What the hell is she doing? "How quaintly cooperative. Little do they know about the petulant bad girl lurking behind the Judas grin." Uh oh. This was bad. I tried to play it off with a smile. "Oh I get it; you're just buttering them up to make the betrayal all the more satisfying."

Well to say I wanted to freak out now was an understatement. I should have known this skank would turn on me. Everyone else had.

Brooke, in her insane annoyingness, jumped to my defense. "Nicole, what are you talking about?"

"Sam, do you want to tell your mother about your little Belljar backstabbing scheme or should I." This can't be happening. "Ok, then I'll take the floor. Miss McPherson, Sam came to me and asked me to help her stop the ceremony at any cost."

"Sam?" my mom asked, neutrally. Oh boy this would not go well.

"I agreed to help her screw up the securing of the church. Or at least that's what I told her." I made sure my face was imperceptible. That no one could get anything from me. "And actually, we went together, and dropped off the check to Father Bob at Saint Mary's, where Sam made a point of securing the church for May 18th, 2002."

My mom sounded shocked. "But we wanted the church for this year in 2 weeks."

"Yea, I know, that's why I went back and undid Sam's hatchet job…" I didn't need to hear what she said. My eyes just focused in on her, and I wanted nothing more then to rip Nicole's head from her body. Now more then ever before.

I snapped to when I heard my mom behind me. "I… Well I don't believe you. I don't believe Sam would do something like that." But her voice didn't sound sure. Nicole of course whipped out her phone, and got Father Bob on the line for my Mom.

My Mom turned away, and then Mr. Vincent called Brooke over, leaving just me and Nicole close.

"Seems like I can't trust anyone these days, huh?" My voice was cold, not shaky at all. I loved my ability to control myself… to keep myself under perfect control even in the worst situations

"Yea, especially somebody who has waited all year to get payback. Have fun in the timeout chair hun…"

I ignored her as I thought of a way to spin this. But there was no way. I'd just have to stand tall and tell her the god damn truth.

My mom walked into my vision, tears in her eyes, real pain all over her face. That didn't surprise me. What surprised me was how little it bothered me. I realized I was willing to do whatever I wanted to get my way, even hurt the ones I loved. That actually scared me about myself.

"How could you do this to me? To this family?"

I found I lost a bit of my iron control now though. "This isn't my family," I said coldly. "My family is you and me. At least it used to be." I stalked away on that. To hell with this.

I stalked up the stairs, fled to my room, slamming the door and locking it. I threw myself onto the bed and started to cry freely.

There was a knock at the door, but I ignored it. I didn't care.

"Sam. Come on, open up, it's me." Brooke. Didn't see that one coming. "Please Sam… I just want to talk."

"Go the hell away, you won as usual okay!" I yelled back.

There was a fumbling, and then the door opened. Brooke held up a key and walked over, sitting on the bed by to me. I was laying face down, my head buried in a pillow. I just turned from her however and continued to cry. But I felt her stroke my hair softly and I turned to her.

"What are you doing?"

"Shhhh… Sam… Sammy… it's ok. Calm down. I just want to talk."

I snorted. "Yea, of course you want to talk. You've won, you got her, you got it all."

"No Sammy, I didn't win. I lost. Because you're not okay with it. It's not ok with me. I…" she paused to gather her thoughts, but I didn't let her. I snatched the key from her hands and stood up. She instinctively rose as well, and I just shoved her towards the door. "No, wait, Sammy, don't do this!" She tried to fight back, but she was tiny and weak, wasn't much of a threat. I shoved her out the door, and before she could react, I slammed the door and locked it.

"SAM!!" She banged on the door loudly, but I just turned on my stereo loud, real loud. What was I going to do!

And then it hit me. I knew exactly what I was going to do. I looked around for a carrying bag, as a plan formed.


	6. Chapter 6

Brooke's Point of View

* * *

"SAM!!" I slammed on the door harder. Why the hell was she so god damn obstinate? Why couldn't she just let me talk? I was trying to apologize, to explain. But I guess this stubbornness, this iron will, was a part of what drew me to her, it was a part of her. I turned from the door.

Well this night's revelations had been interesting. I mean, I knew Sam was willing to go far for what she believed… but I never believed she would do something like THAT. Well… the collection of things which that encompassed was rather shocking. First, Nicole. Going to get help from Nicole. I never thought she'd ever work with Nic. And then going so far as to mis-set the date. And then fight with her mom in front of us all. It was quite a list.

Sam was very self-possessed, very controlled, and apparently, very dangerous if you pissed her off. I don't even know why she went to Nic in the first place. Nic may be evil, and smart in her own way, but she was no McPherson. Sam could take her apart 3 ways before breakfast without breaking a sweat. She could take any of us apart, I was sure.

Of course, Sam wasn't as sure of herself as I was of her. But if I'd learned anything this past year, it was to fear Sam. Not if she was your friend, no, then she was one of the greatest things in your life. But if you were her enemy, then watch the hell out. And since I betrayed her and decided I actually wanted to be joined into the family, she'd certainly been cold to me.

Well, I was sure Sam would figure things out. She'd realize that I wasn't trying to steal Jane, that I just wanted to be her friend. I had a tough time sleeping at first though. I couldn't shake this horrible feeling.

When I finally fell asleep, it must have been like 2am. So when I woke up that morning, I was a little out of it, I'm not gonna lie. I stumbled down the hallway, barely conscious. I entered the bathroom, searched for toothpaste, when I finally saw a note. From Sam.

As I read through it, my stomach plummeted.

'Have a nice life' was how it finished. I stared at it, uncomprehending for a moment. Then I felt blind panic overtake me. This couldn't be happening. She was joking, right? RIGHT! Sam couldn't leave me. I felt this ache in my heart. I couldn't explain it. I felt like when my Mom had left.

But this was a joke. She'd be back. I know it. Sam wouldn't run out on me… on us. Right?

* * *

"Hey guys, what's going on?" My head turned so fast that I think I broke my neck at Sam's voice. She was back, thank god!

Jane looked like she was going to cry. "Oh… Sam… Are you alright?" she rushed over and asked her while hugging her.

"Ay… yea mom I'm fine, really." Thank god. Sam was ok. I don't know what I would have done! What if I'd been wrong?

"Oh, good, cause I am going to kill you!" The fury in Jane's words actually scared me! Poor Sam… wait, scratch that. Sam ran off, she deserved it. Rather it is at her then me!

I turned away, knowing I wouldn't escape the hatchet still. But if I got to share it with Sam, then that was ok.

* * *

I talked with Sam later that night in the bathroom. Something had changed about her, I could tell that. She wasn't hostile to me anymore. She wasn't exactly friendly to me… not that she ever had been towards me. It just wasn't as friendly as it used to be. But something had changed for her. She wouldn't tell me what though, so I dropped it.

More shocking to me had been when she told me that Jane **was** in fact my Mom. Apparently, the change had been a BIG one. I could see it took a lot for her to say it… but she said it, and I couldn't believe it. It had shocked me flat out.

Enough so that I admitted to her how glad I was that she was back. For some reason that was really hard for me, but my heart jumped for joy when she seemed to be happy that I had missed her. I didn't know why, but it felt… good.

We finished up in the bathroom, and walked out together. We started to go our separate ways, but something just felt wrong. I turned around. "Sam," I called out.

She turned back to me. I hesitated. What was I doing? Then I just went ahead and did it anyways. I quickly took the 3 steps to her and pulled her into a tight hug. For a moment she was so shocked she didn't move, and it felt so good to hold her, even if she wasn't doing anything back. It felt right. A moment later and I felt her pull back from me, which I had expected right from the get-go, so I let her go. She pulled back until she could look at me in the face.

"Brooke? Are you alright?" she asked a little warily.

I cursed myself. Of course she wouldn't want me to touch her. "Yea… you know… Sam, I know you think I'm trying to steal Jane away. But I'm not, really. She's still your mother first. She's just… I just… I don't know."

She smiled warmly at me, and I felt my knees go a little weak.

Wait… what? No that wasn't right. Hell, that was wrong. Why would my knees go weak? What the..?

"Yea… I know… its ok Brooke." She then hugged me, not nearly as tightly, a cautious hug, but I gladly took it. She released quickly and then rushed back to her room, shutting the door, leaving me standing there, in shock.

What the hell had just happened? This… no that was all in my imagination. I'm just a little loopy, yea, that's it. From all the stress! I turned and walked shakily back to my room. Just stress!


	7. Chapter 7

Brooke's Point of View

* * *

I wasn't so convinced of the whole stress theory after a little while. I had woken up the next morning, and gotten up, trudging to the bathroom. But as I got out of my door, I saw Sam just about to dart in. She gave me an impish smile, and I felt the same way as last night, as she slammed the door to the bathroom. This continued while I was around her and it was scaring me! 

Now, it was 2 weeks later, and I think I was finally ready to admit to myself. I… liked Sam…

A lot. Like, not in a romantic way. Or at least I don't think so. Just a lot. I enjoyed being around her, she was what I wanted to be. With that concluded, I was sure that I should be able to handle being around her better now. The last 2 weeks had been kinda weird, with me freezing up a lot around her.

The admittance to myself would surely free me up. And it actually seemed to. It was skip day, as well as the wedding day, and I was really comfortable around Sam all day, even through all the hell we went through. Now, our parents were about to be married, and she'd always be around.

After a couple of slip-ups by the priest, he finally asked, "Ok, does anybody here know why these couples should not be united in holy matrimony?"

* * *

Sam's Point of View

* * *

There was an uncomfortable pause of waiting as I smiled at Brooke beside me. No one ever said anything during that pause. 

"I do." I turned around at that. I recognized that voice. It couldn't be.

"I… I'm sorry is there a problem?" the Priest asked unsure.

Oh god… this was just **not** my month. Everything seems to fall apart. Brooke's mom stood up slowly. "Actually yes. Mike Mcqueen and I are not divorced." Her voice was clipped, preppy.

Beside me I heard Brooke spit out, shocked, "Mom?" as Miss Glass 'returned' to life.

Oh god… No this is all my fault. Now I'd gone and screwed up everything. I mean, sure, I didn't want this before. But I'd been wrong. I could see that now. What the hell had I done! Have I done even!

Fear grabbed at my heart. Oh god, what was I going to do? How was I going to explain this? What the hell was going to happen?

My eyes darted around, searching for escape… but there was none.

* * *

**Author's Note: **Please Review, I beg of you. I'll write the stories regardless, but won't post them unless I get some!


	8. Chapter 8

**Author's Note** (repeat from First Chapter as this is where the change occurs)

This was formerly meant to be finished after the first 7 chapters, and instead I'd continue it in another story, but I've opted to change the format, and will instead continue this story. The story beings in Episode 20 of Season 1, and will move to the end of Season 2, exploring Sam/Brooke moments. No explicit Bram occurences happen, merely implications. This is all setup for future S/B relations.

I'd also like to add that I was formerly opposed to S/B relations, didn't seem to fit. I've been forced to re-evaluate that situation, and make a modification to my theory on that. It's something different, way different, then what you typically read. I'm looking forward to revealing that eventually. Though no fluffy stuff. As much as lesbo is hot (as any guy must admit), I just don't write fluff of any kind.

So it switches between Sam and Brooke's POV, which will be clearly shown. Chapter lengths vary, as I tend to write a whole ton and THEN section up the chapters based on what fits. Also, I skip parts in the shows. For every minute of dialogue on camera, it takes me approximately 5 minutes to just copy down what they said and a short blurb of how they said it, PLUS adding my own insights after that, as well as additional writings. 20-25 minutes of a show involve Sam and Brooke, so some sacrifices must be made.

Beginning of Season 2, Episode 1.

* * *

Sam's Point Of View

* * *

"So… this summer was interesting huh?" 

I glanced over at my sister, giving her a little grin. "That's one word for it. Hey, if nothing else we're not trying to kill each other right?" I jokingly held my hands up as if to strangle Brooke, and she mockingly threw up her hands in horror.

We chuckled a bit, not that it was really funny, but we really didn't want to finish this summer report. We fell silent, going into quiet contemplation.

Interesting was one word for it. The word (or rather, collection of words) I preferred was 'hell in a hand basket'. Brooke's opinion differed, but then, her life had gotten better in her mind.

We had decided that a 'mockumentary' was the best way to talk about our summer. So we'd created the list of events that had happened, and it was a long one for sure.

I read over the list, shuddering to myself. Almost everything on it was my fault. Hell, everything was. And sure, I was glad to see Brooke happy. Hell, I was more then glad, I… enjoyed her happiness you could say, but I didn't like the cost it had taken.

Mainly the cost to my Mom and Mike. Well, mainly my Mom. I was still peeved at Mike. I mean, how the **HELL** do you not know you're still married.

My Mom was handling it pretty well all things considered. I mean, she was civil to Kelly and everything, and she kept quiet around Brooke. But I knew that she really laid into Mike over this.

It was just so shitty, knowing I'd caused it all. There was now a rift between me and my Mom, and nothing I did seemed to fix it. That hurt more then anything. It felt like everyone drifted from me. I mean, sure I still had Lilly, Carmen and Harrison, but… you know, I just can't explain it. They weren't cutting it, horrible as that sounds.

I had tried to turn to Brooke, but she had basically dismissed me. Hell, she **had** dismissed me. Not purposefully, I know that, and not to hurt me. I mean, we were even friendly to each other now (when she was around). But no, she dismissed me regardless.

* * *

"Brooke… can I talk to you?" 

She glanced over at me. "Sure Sammy. What do you need?" I was standing at the entrance to her room as she got ready, undoubtedly to see her Mom.

"It's… it's about my Mom and Mike and Kelly."

She seemed to freeze for a second as she brushed her hair before resuming, but it was just a momentary hitch, and if I didn't know her so well I'd of completely missed it. "Why?"

Was it just me, or was there a hint of hostility there? I hadn't even said anything yet and she was already getting defensive it seemed. Well… it was just going to get worse I figured.

"I was thinking… maybe you could hang around for dinner a few times this week. I mean, not that you should break plans with your Mom, or that you have to do it all the time, but Mike and my Mom really miss you. It would be really good for them, to see us all together. You haven't been home for dinner once in the past 3 weeks." It all spilled out of me fast, faster then I intended and I wasn't sure she understood me.

She glanced over and smiled. "Of course Sammy. Tomorrow night, 6pm. I promise."

6pm came the next day, 6pm left, and there was no Brooke. I didn't even see her for 2 days, and when I did she said it was no big deal, that everything was fine.

* * *

I don't know why she couldn't see that everything was falling to shit. She'd dismissed my concerns, and things steadily got worse, to the point that I wanted to start avoiding dinner. But I couldn't. The last thing my Mom needed was me ditching out on her. So I stuck it out, even though every instinct had screamed RUN FOR YOUR LIFE! 

I had to admit however, that the arguments between my Mom and Mike were kinda cool… in a none-cool way. That didn't make sense, did it? Nope.

What I mean is that seeing my Mom argue is cool. We're a LOT alike. Like we could be twins save for the age difference. I like to think I know myself pretty well. When I get stressed or over my head in an argument, where I just don't know what to do, I lash out with my wit.

I like to think I'm smart. Well, I know I'm smart. Rather I like to think I'm witty. Good at those zingers. Well, I got that from my mom. Hers is more refined, more… old I guess, but it's still there. I really liked the one about the 31 flavors of ice cream. It's a classic one now, I think, and I aspire to use it.

I wasn't the only one who drifted away from my parent however. Mike and Brooke had several falling outs over Kelly over the summer. Fairly rough arguments, involving yelling and stuff. Me and my Mom never did that over what happened. There wasn't much too really yell over between us. I'd done what I'd done, and there was no going back. But Brooke and Mike still had the power to change things.

I hadn't done much all summer. I guess not only did I drift from my Mom, I drifted as a person. I… didn't know what to do. Everything I did just seemed to inflict more pain. Consoling my Mom only seemed to hurt both of us. Trying to fix things just seemed to make them worse. And somehow, everything just hurt. I felt like I was an emotional wreck. Yes, I'm aware I'm a teenager, and that teenager's are always emotional wrecks. It's what we do. Very well I might add. But this was worse, I swear. Ok, so all teenagers say that, but I'm different! I have a real CAUSE!

It was like I was death. Not in the literal sense of course, but you know what I'm getting at.

Ashes to ashes, we all fall down.

* * *

So the first day back sucked… a lot. But that wasn't exactly unexpected. All first days back sucked, it was like a law or something.

Now it was the second day, and I had decided to turn away from the depressed feeling of the summer, that it was a new year! I was a new person, and I'd strive to make changes.

So I was going to fix… or at least start to fix… the damage that was my family. Starting with Brooke.

I saw she was talking with Smug Bitch Satan. That was my private name. I kept the Smug Bitch part to myself, figuring that would cause too much problems. Well, now was as good a time to talk to Brooke as ever.

"Hey, Spam, I thought we were having Tuna for lunch but not it's just you wafting through the halls again," she commented upon seeing me.

"Hey Satan, nice implants." Hmmm not my best comeback. I just knew as soon as I moved on I'd think up a better one. "Hey Brooke, are you gonna be home for dinner tonight?"

She looked at her devil friend beside her… ah rats I just got a better comeback too. I almost chuckled as I thought about it. "_Are you sure you're not just smelling all the creatures you slept with over summer_?" Ok still not my best work but it was getting there.

"uhhhh… we have to go over the glamazon tryout routine and then I was going to go shopping with my mom, so I should be home by 6. Why?"

Great, glamazons and Kelly… why do I even try with this girl. "Oh I just think that it's important that we at least give the illusion of getting along so that Mom and Mike think that they created this family…"

"Sam, we ARE getting along now, ok?" she responded, somewhat forcefully.

Yea… getting along as in not seeing each other. "Right. 6, the family thing"

"Ok."

"Cool." Still, I had a feeling that she would be a no show, just like she always was whenever we tried to do some sister bonding over summer. I hate this shit.

I marched over to my locker, and congratulated Carmen on the good news about her baby… again. I mean, I knew about it over summer, but she had gone away for the last month and a half so I hadn't seen her since she found out. I'd supported her best I could for the first 2 weeks of summer, but I had been busy trying to hold together the families.

"I wish my problems could be alleviated with a simple medical test." Wow, I sound kinda depressing again.

"Jane and Mike are still fighting?" Lilly's voice was kinda disinterested. I guess she'd had enough of this crap too.

"Yea. Chaos is hideous, I mean I just, I have to make this work at home you guys. I feel responsible for all this drama-rama."

I saw Harrison scrunch up his face at me. "Well you kinda are Sam." Thank you Captain obvious. Way to make me feel better!

"Thanks, Harrison!" I leaned over on Lilly, and she leaned back into me at least. "You're observation bathes me in relief." Hey, at least my sarcasm generator is still getting power.

I just gotta make it through today. It's gonna be one hell of a day I was sure. Reminded me of a quote from something, I think it was a song. 'On days like these, you gotta, find it in some other way. It's all or nothing baby.'

* * *

The school day went by, as predicted, hellishly. I tried to look on the bright side, and actually got a good laugh out of Lilly's drive to save the forever tree. As Sugar and Lilly stalked off, I pushed Harrison.

"Ok, come on. Let's go!"

He glanced at me sharply. "Where and why are you pushing me?" I ignored him, continuing to push him in the direction of our class, steering him around people. "Ok Sammy, what are you doing? I'm not a Cattle being herded off to slaughter."

I wrinkled my nose at that description, but was glad Lilly wasn't around to bite his head off. "You're right. You're off to be branded."

"Wh… what?" He stopped and turned to me. I tried to keep pushing him, but he grabbed his hands and pulled me close to him.

"Brrrranded," I forced out. "Uhhh…" Standing this close to Harrison, his lips literally inches from mine, I found it suddenly hard to concentrate. What the hell was up with that? Just hormones… must be. I stepped back. "I need help with the paper, you know, weeding people out."

He grinned at me. "Well why didn't you say so? Come on, let's get going cowgal!" He grabbed me and pulled me along.

He always sticks by me. No matter what, he's always been there for me. Maybe… maybe I've been missing something all along. But maybe not. Maybe I really am just stressed out, hormones raging, etc. Yes, that was it.


	9. Chapter 9

**A/N:** So much crap happens in Episode 1. An unbelievable amount. 3 more chapters of episode 1 still to come (I think). Also, Feedback please!

* * *

Brooke's Point of View

* * *

"Wasn't it romantic how Sugar stood up to the Claw when he said she'd take down that tree over his dead body? Cause he'd just carved his and Exquisites names in it!" I was sitting with Josh for lunch, and I finally had to comment on that. I thought it was one of the most romantic things I'd ever heard! 

"It wasn't romantic, it was stupid superstition. He thought if the tree was gonna fall down his relationship would fall down with it," he responded, smirking kinda meanly.

"What are you saying? That you don't think that a bond between 2 people can last? Hi, what about us?" Josh really seemed down over something.

He snorted. "Let's just say I don't wear eternity clone for men anymore." He pauses, then brought his head closer to me. "We had a date after school. My mom wasn't going to be home and I wanted to be with you, remember Brooke? I wanted to be with you all summer, I bought De Angelo's new CD, washed my sheets, I mean…" I interrupted him quickly, suddenly feeling awkward. He didn't know how uncomfortable I was with… that. It just wasn't good.

Wow, he was taking this quite personally. Not that I could blame him. I had been avoiding him and everyone else really, to spend time with my mother. I just needed to get my mind off of some things, and throwing in with my mom seemed like a good way.

"Look, my mom wanted to see me, and she's going back to San Francisco soon. I would feel guilty if I cancelled." That was true though. I mean, I'd been hanging out with my mom cause I needed to get my mind off things, but I did also feel guilty. A lot.

"Guilty, why?" he replied mockingly. I'd asked myself this a million times. I really couldn't figure it out.

"I don't know. Look, I feel like maybe she left because of me, because of something that I did. I don't want to disappoint her."

"Well what about disappointing me?" He was really worked up. "You've cancelled on me 50 times this summer. Ugh… I mean, I can understand about your mom, but can't you even try to understand what I'm going through? My friends just laugh at me, how I'm totally manipulated by you." What! I'm not manipulating anyone! God knows I feel like I'm being manipulated by everyone else, along with my own god damn feelings. Why does high school have to be so damn complicated?

"I'm not manipulating you. Josh I'm just trying to be honest with you." Well that part wasn't completely true… I wasn't being completely honest. And actually… maybe I was manipulating him. Oh god I'm a horrible person.

"Well let me be honest with you Brooke. I want constancy and depth. A relationship. Look, if you don't want your name carved in a tree with me, fine, then I'll just find someone else who does. I'm out." He rose and stalked off, leaving me feeling somewhat abandoned. I mean, not the same as when my Mom left. But it did hurt, in its own way. He just didn't understand me… everything that was going on. The things in it that just weren't right.

I shifted uneasily for a moment, then just left for the Novac.

* * *

I got home with my Mom late, real late. I figured my dad wouldn't be happy, but he didn't seem mad at me. He was mad at Kelly though. He kicked me upstairs while he talked with her, so I went up to get ready for bed. I flicked on the stereo and turned my music up loud. I didn't want to hear them fight. 

I heard my Mom leave, but about 10 minutes after that I heard a fight breaking out downstairs. I stumbled down the steps, pretty out of it.

"… I mean, this involves me and Brooke!" I heard Sam yell angrily.

"What is going on?" I asked, trying to get awake fully. I had a feeling this conversation would need all my attention.

"Well, apparently a change of heart," Jane commented coldly. God she reminded me of Sam when she did that.

Sam looked absolutely flabbergasted… although this is a bad time to note this, flabbergasted is just an awesome word, I almost laughed at that thought. "Brooke, an update. First of all, thank you for blowing off dinner." I rolled my eyes at her. It wasn't that big of a deal, and if this was what the mess was about everyone was clearly insane. "Secondly, my mom saw your mom kissing Mike."

Wait… what? Dad and my birthmother, getting back together. That would actually work out great! Everything would be easier. "Why was Mom kissing you? Are you two getting back together?" I couldn't hide the hope from my voice, though I knew it would hurt Sam and Jane.

"No, it was a misunderstanding."

Jane cut in. "mmhmm, on my part. One that lasted an entire year. Come on Sam, let's go." She grabbed Sam and dragged her out. Sam tried to resist but Jane just ordered her on with her motherly voice to which Sam seemed to acquiesce.

"Bye… bye…" was all I could get out. I should say something here. I should try to stop this. I was letting them walk out on me. Letting Sam leave me.

Sam looked back, regretfully. Sadly. She looked ashamed, hurt. I wanted to comfort her so badly.

"Dad… What is going on?"

He turned to look at me, looking pretty devastated. "I… I don't know. I don't know what happened."

"Well… is mom staying? Is she coming here?"

My dad just looked at me like I was stupid. I guess I was. I realized that it would never happen, that I wasn't sure I even wanted it to happen. This was all happening very fast, I needed time. "No… Brooke... I don't… know. I need time here!"

I didn't move for a moment, collecting my thoughts. "Ok." I finally said. It seemed to be the only thing to say. I needed to go think about this. "I'm… going to go upstairs," I said in a daze, but my dad was already in a world of his own.

I clambered up the stairs. This was ok, right? Made sense and all that stuff. Sam was out of my hair, I didn't have to deal with her anymore. We could finally cease to be apart of each others life! Good!

Then why does that thought feel so… wrong. Hell, it feels more then wrong. It feels… horrible. Ok, so maybe I didn't want Sam out of my life. I mean, I guess she's been a good influence on me. Scratch that. Probably the best influence in a long time.

Hell, when I look at pretty much the entire last year, I was a royal bitch. Just look at it all. The illicit funding that Sam exposed, my cheating on the test which Sam once again exposed, the way I attacked her over homecoming. How about when I thought I was pregnant? And… well, even the trial she wasn't that far out of line. I mean, they did do horrible things to Emory. I could go on, but it's pretty obvious. And we do get along. I don't want her out of my life. I like her a lot.

On the other hand, she's made no secret of the fact that she doesn't want to be in my life. Maybe she doesn't want me dead, but she sure as hell wouldn't miss me. So maybe I wasn't going to get an option now. A sudden flash of fear gripped me at that thought.

I latched onto that fear, trying to understand it. It felt like when my Mom left me. But that's not the same is it? This is just Sam, just a friend, a sister, something like that.

No, it's not. It can't be. Right, that's settled.

Well what about Jane. She's been great, and I really was happy she was with my Dad. She just made him so… happy. And he made her happy. And now that's ruined.

So I was just going to have to get them back together. Yea! I mean, it can't be that hard, right?


	10. Chapter 10

Sam's Point of View

* * *

"Ok, hello! I'm right here, I mean, this involves me and Brooke!" How could they just ignore that I was standing right here. Mom wants to freaking move out, drag me with her, and I'm supposed to just waltz right out without saying a word. Not even get a chance to say goodbye to Brooke. 

Of course, she appeared, sleepy eyed and in pajamas. "What is going on?"

What is going on? Madness! Insanity! Hormones (possibly some menstruation? I'm not really sure on that)!

"Well, apparently a change of heart," Mom responded icily. The temperature actually dropped, I swear. Not even doing some literary crap here people!

I had to get things going. Rational conversation! Yes! "Brooke, an update. First of all, thank you for blowing off dinner." Ok, so that wasn't so rational. It was a dig. But I was peeved about it! "Secondly, my mom saw your mom kissing Mike." Ok, so that's not the best way to put it. Apparently Mom wasn't the only one going insane.

Brooke immediately turned to Mike. "Why was Mom kissing you? Are you two getting back together?" I saw my Mom visibly flinch, both from the words themselves and from the tone. It was so hopeful. She was just casting us aside, after everything.

I always knew she was a selfish bitch.

Mike tried to defuse the situation. "No, it was a misunderstanding."

My Mom interrupted him. "mmhmm, on my part. One that lasted an entire year. Come on Sam, let's go." She grabbed me strongly, and just yanked on me. I barely had time to get my bag as I turned to look back at them. I wanted to say something, to change something. I wanted a time machine.

"Bye… bye…" was all Brooke said. At least she sounded a little regretful. Not regretful enough to say anything more apparently.

Then we were out the door, and I had to focus on my Mom. But I was too angry to talk to her. To angry to even acknowledge her. Instead, I simply got in the car and gave her the silent treatment as she got a motel.

* * *

Blah Blah Blah… Blah blah blah blah. 

Ever seen those Charlie Brown cartoons? Which blahs out whatever adults are saying so you don't know what they actually said?

Yea, that's what I was hearing out of my Mom now. Blah blah blah. I just let the shaking of the bed distract me, from the hurt, the pain.

I know I'm feeling kinda angsty right now… emo perhaps. But I couldn't help it. I mean, is it my fault? No! I have no god damn control of my own life it seems.

Finally my mom stopped the bed. "Did you hear one word I said?" She asked condescendingly, as if I was supposed to be hanging onto every word she breathed.

"No, I was too busy renaming this place in the windmills of my mind," I replied, the characteristic McPherson wit coming to me easily. "Guess what crappy name won, Chez Crack Whore."

Oooh… good one me.

"This is just until I figure out our money."

I rose immediately. She had the gall to use 'our'! After all this? "Wowa. Our? How novel, you finally used a pronoun that involves me."

"Be mad at me, it's fine. Go on, do it!" She was saying it in that parental way, which was telling you, 'yea, be mad, but you're the bad guy here, not me.'

It was a sickening dodge. "I **am** mad! How many times am I gonna have to uproot myself and follow you on a whim?"

"Us moving out of that house is your dream. You don't like Brooke, you don't like Mike…" she began.

Oh how wrong she was. "I do like them. They were home to me." More then that. They were my family, and I loved them in their own way. "I'm sorry he kissed her. You deserve better I know that. These past couple months have just been emotional for all of us. I think that Mike was just momentarily confused, and once Kelly leaves…"

Mom interrupted me. "Wake up Sam, she never left his heart. And he never stopped loving her. Which means that he probably never loved me." I wanted to cut in, but I didn't know what I would say. "The concept of us living together as a family is a dream. It's time to wake the hell up and fine something real." She paused at sat at the bed by me. "Is the way Kelly makes me feel the way Brooke used to make you feel, like you're not good enough?"

What a loaded question. Brooke… yea, Brooke used to make me feel that way. I couldn't lie to myself, a lot of my attacking of her at the start of this year was jealousy flat out. That I wanted to show that I was worthy of her. That she couldn't just cast me down.

"Yea," I responded. She still made me feel that way. Because sure, I showed that in a lot of ways I was as good, and it showed in how Brooke's changed. But now she really was better then me in everyway it seemed. She had taken everything that I changed in her… a part of me essentially, and made it better.

But that's not what Mom wanted to hear, so I sighed and said "But I got over it."

"I don't think I will," she responded, the tears flowing down as she left the room.

I sighed and flopped back onto the bed. Maybe I should really examine this whole situation. I mean, I was a journalist, and here I am jumping to conclusions, about a lot of things, most importantly, my own feelings.

I hadn't lied when I said they were like home to me. That I thought of Mike and Brooke as family. But maybe that was simply rooting back to popularity. I mean, let's get serious, Brooke is still the most popular kid in school, and us being forced to live together forced us to become friends at the least.

It all returns to the fact that everyone wants to be liked, and as long as Brooke liked me, everyone liked me. I became quasi-popular. As this realization hit me, I suddenly felt sickened. Could that really be why I thought of that place as home?

Maybe getting away would be a good thing. But… no, I couldn't do that, not to my Mom. She was absolutely crushed. I don't know how she was going to make it through the day now!

Bloody great. Damned if I do, Damned if I don't.

* * *

So the talk with Brooke today didn't go so well. She avoided me, and when we did talk she was totally in a daze and non-committal. She was already dropping me, I was sure of it. 

So maybe this was a bad idea. But no, I had to think of my Mom. I guess Brooke did tell me to take care of myself, which was kinda nice.

And then there was the talk with Lilly. I tried to sound all hopeful, all sure of myself. But Lilly knows me. I can lie to myself, but it's a lot harder to lie to your friends. She flat out told me she thought that it was over. Not at all what I needed to hear.

I caused this! Everything that was happening, all me. No one else.

Not only was I causing my own pain, I was causing everyone else's pain. My own pain seemed inconsequential with that thought.

It only got worse that night. I knew it would happen. I predicted it happening. And yet, it still shocked and surprised me when Mike never called. Because Brooke never gave him the number, I was sure of it. She actually was dropping Mom and me. Replaced, discarded. Took what she needed from us, and now was on her way.

Why did I ever trust her? She hasn't changed a bit.

* * *

I saw the shocked expression on my mom's face, so I peeked around the door, wondering who would shock her so badly. 

A surprised Brooke and Kelly greeted me, and I nearly shat myself right there. Good thing I didn't, I can't think of many worse things to do.

"Jane…" Brooke said in a shock.

"Uhhh… Brooke what are you doing here?" My Mom couldn't keep a bit of hurt out of her voice

I broke in before anything else could be said, intentionally hurtful or not. "Well she's not here for the free cookies." Chalk a point up for Sam. Brooke and Kelly exchanged a look.

"I'm moving here, Jane."

My Mom answered in this kind of daze. "Uhhh, well let me show you the house."

They stepped in, and when I looked at Brooke and she looked at me, I couldn't hide the hurt that crossed my face. And I saw Brooke clench up, as though she's been slapped. But she continued in, not saying anything. My Mom started showing Kelly the house, so I grabbed Brooke by the hand forcefully, and though she pulled back for a second, I merely yanked hard and lead her to the kitchen.

"What are you doing here Brooke? What's going on?" I asked forcefully.

She kinda rolled her shoulder at me. "She's… moving here."

"Well this is just great. When did Grace Kelly decide she wanted to move here?" I responded, pacing, angrily.

Brooke immediately jumped back at me. "Last night we talked about it and don't slam my mother, I'm always respectful of yours." Well… that was true. I guess I shouldn't jump after Kelly. I wasn't so much angry at Kelly as I was angry at Brooke.

Actually, I guess I was mad at Kelly too. Still…

"Your right I'm sorry, look I just I thought we agreed to have your dad call my mom last night."

She looked down, avoiding my gaze, ashamed I think. "He didn't call?" she asked, kinda uncertainly but it was a pretty blatant cover.

"No how could he, you didn't give him the number did you?" I added the 'did you' at the end and made it a question so I didn't jump too much on Brooke. Attacking her flat out probably wouldn't help my situation out at all. Still, there was no mistaking the underlying accusatory tone.

"Ok ok," she spat out. "I forgot to give it to him," she said somewhat regretfully.

Wow you're a bad liar McQueen. A blind monkey would be able to tell you were lying, and it doesn't even speak the language. "This is, this is about the sink, isn't it? I mean you always hated sharing the sink." Dunno where that came from. Dunno why I was even groveling to have her take us back. It was obvious I…we meant nothing to her.  
"Sam, it's not about the sink," she responded forcefully, as if she was trying to make me understand. She sighed. "I liked having you around, I always wanted a sister, and even though I fought it, I got one." That one kinda floored me, made me uncertain about what the hell was going on. This was just a mess and I was confused as hell. Since when did Brooke think of me as a sister… hell as a person even.

Finally I couldn't take it anymore. I snapped. "I caused this Brooke. Do you have any idea what it's like to lie in bed at night and hear your mom crying in the bathroom and know that it's because of what you've done?" I paused and bit back tears that prepared to spring up, though I was sure they wouldn't fall. I couldn't cry, not now. Couldn't show weakness. "I thought you said my mom was the mother you never had." I nearly vomited, as I felt sick just thinking about what I'd done.

"It's complicated Sam." She stopped and I just shrugged, not really knowing what to say. "My mom came back" She said it with such conviction, such love, and it broke my heart to know that Kelly left her in the first place. How could she leave someone as great as Brooke? She didn't deserve Brooke.

I was nearly in tears now, for the first time in a long while. "Brooke, my moms the one you sent a card to last mothers days. Your mom left, wha, how can you forgive that?" Somehow I didn't cry. Somehow I managed to control my emotions. I guess that's just me for you, always in control. But then again, sometimes I wondered if I could cry even if I let myself.

"I had to make a choice Sam, I could either hate her forever for what she did and turn her away and never know my own mother or I could try and understand why she left and concentrate on the future instead. And I could just try and get rid of some of this pain, and some of this anger, that has been building up in me for 8 years."

The sheer raw pain and sadness in her voice was unmistakable, and it hurt a lot to hear her say it. Why did life have to be shitty to such great people?

I had nothing to respond to that immediately. I didn't know what to say. I sighed, and then spoke mournfully, "What about our family? Just know one thing. If you threw away that piece of paper I gave you, it's just the same as if you threw away my mom and me." That was a bit dark, but it was the truth. I had to try something to shake Brooke up.

Brooke looked like she was about to cry as Jane walked in. "Brooke, honey, what's wrong?" She asked it so concernedly; far more concerned then I thought her birth mother ever could be. I turned to look at Brooke.  
"Jane. I'm really sorry, I never meant to hurt you." As she spoke, her voice cracked and she very nearly broke into tears. Then she stormed out.

Kelly said something, but there was a roaring in my ears. I'd really hurt Brooke apparently, but that's not what I wanted. My mom looked accusingly at me, and I just looked down.

God, I suck at this. What the hell am I good for?

* * *

After Brooke ran off and Kelly followed her, Mom hadn't said anything to me for awhile. She stalked away instead, clearly angry at me. 

I didn't understand it that much. She knows what I'm trying to do; she must know I wasn't setting out to hurt Brooke.

I paused. Actually, I wasn't so sure of that. Maybe I didn't deliberately set out to hurt Brooke like that, but it did seem to be something I was good at. But I couldn't let myself believe that I would do that to Brooke, to anyone. No, not after everything I've done. I pushed that thought away.

Finally, after we had returned to the motel, Mom still giving me the silent treatment, I said, "Mom… are you mad?" I knew that she was, but it was the easiest way to get this conversation going.

She turned on me. "What do you think," she snapped. "Don't you think you've meddled around enough? As if breaking Mike and I up weren't enough, you have to go after Brooke too now?"

I literally staggered under her verbal assault. My vision blurred but I remained standing. "For the last time Mom, I didn't mean for any of that to happen! I wasn't trying to hurt you, or Mike, or Brooke." I wanted to cry but as usual the tears wouldn't come. "I'm trying to heal the hurt I've done." Ok, I know that sentence didn't make sense but you try to make a coherent thought when you're all emotional!

I could tell my Mom regretted what she had said the second it was out of her mouth. That's another way we're a lot alike. We both tend to snap and say things we don't mean.

"Honey, I'm sorry. You know I didn't mean that. I've just been on edge." She paused. "But maybe you should stop trying to help. There's nothing good that can come of this but more pain."

The pain in her voice cut into me all over again, but still the tears didn't come. Instead I threw my arms around her and pulled her into a tight hug, refusing to let go. We stood there for I don't know how long.  
It was such a relief. Despite all the horrible things I'd done, despite the pain I've inflicted upon Mom, she still loved me unconditionally.

* * *

I stood at the door to Kelly's motel room, trying to find the courage to knock on the door. I wasn't sure I had it in me. I fidgeted there nervously, brought my hand up to knock before putting it down again. I stood there awkwardly again for a moment. 

What the hell was wrong with me? After all the crazy shit I've done this year, from standing up to an army of kids who would gladly kill me, to defending myself against charges of sexual conduct with a teacher, even too going off and finding Kelly… and now I'm a nervous wreck.

The door opens, without me ever having knocked. I stand there awkwardly, but Kelly looks at me calmly.

I realize she must have either heard me walk up, or even just sensed my presence out here. I'd been standing here for about 5 minutes now, so she must of grown impatient.

"Err… can I come in?" I ask quietly.

"Of course," she says, in that haughty elitist voice of hers. She steps back and lets me in. I take off my shoes quickly, leaving my sweater on. "Take a seat in the living room."

I do as she asks while she disappears for a moment, before she reappears.

"Thank you for meeting me here Kelly," I say as warmly as I can.

"I owe a lot to you Sam. Of course I would meet you here. I know this has been very rough on you and I apologize." Her voice is clipped and cold, but I do get a sense of genuineness peeking through.

"Kelly, please understand I brought you here." I pause for a moment, to let that settle in, and to gather myself for what I had to say. "I'm the one who resultantly ruined the only happiness my Mom has ever known since my Dad died. Please help me make right what I made wrong." I don't know what else to say. I've laid it out and now I hope that she can help me. I don't even know how.

"Sam, I feel badly too. I've caused a lot of problems around here, and problems that I need to make right as well."

"Uh.. there must be a way to do that other then buying a house here," I say hopefully, hinting at her.  
"There is. I've talked with Brooke, and I'm moving back to San Francisco." She stops, but I can tell she wants to say something more.

"And?" I ask helpfully, after she doesn't say anything.

"And Brooke… Brooke is going to come with me."

I stand up so fast I shock myself. "What do you mean Brooke is going with you! You can't just…" I stop myself. No, this isn't right, get ahold of yourself Sam.

I turn around. I can see that Kelly is more then a little surprised at my outburst. Actually, so am I. Brooke leaving shouldn't be that bad. Kelly would leave, my mom and Mike could get back together. Brooke would be gone.

But I'd miss Brooke. So I didn't want her to go. How could I express that to Kelly.

"Sam, please calm down. It's what Brooke wants. It's for the best."

I take a deep breathe, and turn to face her. "This will crush Mike, you have to know that." I don't say that it will crush me too. Kelly slowly nods sadly. "Does Brooke know this? Of course she does. She won't care. She never cares for everyone else." The callous comment slips out unedited, and I wince visibly.

Kelly doesn't even address that comment. "Sam, it's not your decision to make."

"Of course it's not. I know that. Doesn't mean I have to like it. Thank you for meeting with me Kelly." I turn and abruptly march to the door, slipping my shoes on quickly before slamming the door loudly behind me as I leave.


	11. Chapter 11

A/N: So I've kinda lost interest in doing this. It's a lot more work than a normal story, cause I have to transcribe what they say which takes a good 1 to 1.5 hours to do. Plus, I've got this story that I've been planning out and stuff that I really want to write. So this piece is on a temporary hiatus. If I get a few more reviews then maybe I could be motivated to continue it however!

* * *

Brooke's Point of View

* * *

"If we work on him together, he could see that people change."

My mom just takes a look at me, then gives me a little smile before putting her arm around my neck. We were driving to the mall, to spend time shopping, and I'd very delicately tried to bring up the subject of mom and dad getting back together.

Mom didn't answer with a yes, but she did give me that smile that said, 'I'd love to but I can't say it.'

So now it could be just like how I'd always dreamed. Mom could come back, and we'd be a family again. I would be happy.

Mom took my hand, and we drove in a comfortable silence for awhile. I then remembered the phone number that Sam had given me earlier, to give to Dad.

I pulled out and fingered the small yellow sheet. I know before I had been so gung-ho to get Dad and Jane back together. And I mean, that would still be a good thing. I liked Jane, Dad loved Jane, I even liked Sam!

But this was my Mom! My dad's first love yea, but **my** mom! I couldn't just let her walk away. It wouldn't be fair to me. I knew that having my Mom back would make me happy. Jane could make me happy, but more in a 'filler' role. I want the real thing damn it, I deserve it. My Dad would be happy with Kelly.

So I was wrong before. I slowly lifted the paper to the window, suddenly not feeling comfortable with this. Was this really the right thing to do?

Sam would be gone. No longer forced to be apart of my life. She could return to her happy existence, no need to baby me. She would thank me for this. I needed space to sort out all the feeling and emotions over Sam. This flip-flop from hating her to thinking of her as a friend… a sister.

I let go of the paper. It fluttered away, gone. It was done. Happiness awaited.

And yet a dark feeling descended upon me.

* * *

"Well this is just great. When did Grace Kelly decide she wanted to move here?" Sam asked, quite angrily, perhaps rightfully. 

But still, she couldn't go after Mom like that. "Last night we talked about it and don't slam my mother, I'm always respectful of yours." I was kinda pleading with her. But I wasn't pleading over what I said here, I was pleading with her to forgive me.

Sam immediately looked contrite. "Your right I'm sorry, look I just I thought we agreed to have your dad call my mom last night."

I immediately looked down. I couldn't look at her and lie to her face. Not to Sam. "He didn't call?"

"No how could he, you didn't give him the number, did you?" Her tone was accusatory, full of hurt, and it cut into me to know that I'd done that to her.

"Oh ok I forgot to give it to him." My tone was indignant to begin, surprising myself. What right did I have to be annoyed? I immediately became contrite again.

Sam of course, immediately started freaking out. "This is, this is about the sink, isn't it? I mean you always hated sharing the sink."  
I cut her off. "Sam, it's not about the sink." I let out a sigh. Time to lay it on a bit here. "I liked having you around, I always wanted a sister, and even though I fought it, I got one." I said it with all the warmth and care I could, trying to make her understand.

That seemed to give pause to Sam, and then suddenly I saw her deflate before my very eyes. "I caused this Brooke. Do you have any idea what it's like to lie in bed at night and hear your mom crying in the bathroom and know that it's because of what you've done?" She sounded near her breaking point. I couldn't believe it. No one can break Sam McPherson, but what I've done, what Kelly has done, has damn near done it. "I thought you said my mom was a mother you never had."

I cringed inwardly, knowing how difficult it was for her to admit that. "It's complicated Sam." She gave me this helpless look of despair, and my voice broke a bit. "My mom came back"

"Brooke, my moms the one you sent a card to last mother's days. Your mom left, wha, how can you forgive that?" She sounds angrier then I am that Mom left me. As if it hurt her.

My walls cracked a bit, and then I opened up the gates. I had to make her understand. "I had to make a choice Sam, I could either hate her forever for what she did and turn her away and never know my own mother or I could try and understand why she left and concentrate on the future instead. And I could just try and get rid of some of this pain, and some of this anger, that has been building up in me for 8 years."

This shocked Sam into silence, and I saw that look of despair and sadness stain her face again. "What about our family? Just know one thing. If you threw away that piece of paper I gave you, it's just the same as if you threw away my mom and me." I shuddered. She was right. Oh my god, what have… am I doing? Sam was right all along. I'm a selfish bitch, out for her own good only.

Tears started to build as Jane walked in. I looked at her, saw the pain etched in her face, and yet I could see her own pain instantly erase upon seeing my in distress, concern pouring out freely. She really loved me. Really cared for me. And this is how I treated her.

How could anyone bare me?

"Brooke, honey, what's wrong?" My Mom stepped out, looking coolly and not even batting an eyelid at my state.  
"Jane. I'm really sorry, I never meant to hurt you." I couldn't take it. The knowledge of what I'd done. I couldn't even deal with what I was doing to Jane. How could I ever deal with what I've done to Sam as well?

I grabbed my coat and made my escape as quick as I could, trying to regain control.

* * *

"And I'm moving with her." I waited for the fireworks from my declaration. 

I was not disappointed, as he sat up straight. "No. No forget it Brooke."

"I know this is hard, but it is a way for both of us to win." I had to control myself. Make him see. Keep rational and not emotional.

"How do I win if my daughter leaves me and moves to San Francisco? What about me? What about how I raised you alone, what about how I…"

I cut him off before he could work up a good argument. "Daddy, if I leave and mom comes with me, you and Jane can work this out, I know it." I had to give them this chance. To find happiness. After all the pain I've inflicted, I had to let them heal it. Had to let Sam find her solace. "Daddy I realize that you two are the ones who are supposed to be together. I **need** to spend time with my mother. It has nothing to do with you."

"It has everything to do with me, because…" He stopped, barely in control. "You mean everything to me." He clutched his heart painfully, and I could see he was in a lot of pain over this. But he was already letting go a bit. I could see that he just wanted what's best for me. Or whatever I thought was best for me at least.

"You can't hold onto me forever, I look at my mother, where I come from, and I don't know her Daddy. And I think to know myself, that is a journey that I have to take." I turned and walked away. I needed to give him time to digest it. To understand and come to terms with it. He'd deal with it. He just needed time.

I hoped.

I had to admit that I hadn't come to the realization that the best way for this to work out was to move away on my own. My discussion with Josh earlier had really spoken to me, about needing to take the leap, give up to get something.

Well I was giving up a little piece of my happiness, here with Dad and Jane and Sam, to get to know my Mom and still let everyone else be happy. It seemed like the right price to pay. Like the right thing to do.

I guess Josh isn't as dumb as he thinks. It's just not the result he wanted..


	12. Chapter 12

A/N: So I got a somewhat renewed interest in this show. I've got a plan for this episode (2x02 baby don't do it) and so this story is picking back up. So ummm, here it is!

* * *

Brooke's Point of View

* * *

"Brooke, we need to talk." I glanced up at Sam's voice. I was sitting in chemistry, waiting for class to begin, when Sam marched in, looking pretty much as angry as I've ever seen her. Oh man, how did she find out?

Play it cool McQueen. "Good morning to you too."

"Can it princess. I spoke to your mom. I know about you moving." She sat down next to me, staring at me with those calculating brown eyes. "And I just thought I should tell you, you are **NOT** leaving."

"Why not Sam? Why shouldn't I be allowed to move? To find the only happiness I've known in the past 7 years?" Sam looked at me, shocked by my bluntness, or perhaps how open I was being about it. She didn't seem to have an answer. "Sam, if you can't understand that, I don't know what you are capable of understanding. I don't think you can understand me in any way, shape, or form then."

She stuck her tongue in her cheek in that adorable way – err… that cute… errr… never mind. "Brooke. Think about what you're doing to your dad. To my mom…" she left it hanging, and I found myself hoping that she'd say 'to me'. But she didn't. That was a pipe dream.

"Look, because of our semi-related status you're the first to find out, and I would appreciate it if you kept my decision to move to San Francisco quiet." I looked at her imploringly.

Her response was as explosive as I'd come to expect from her. "Fine, no problem. Because you're not going ANYWHERE." Her voice rose at the end, and she had this half smile on her face like she knew something that I didn't know, or that she thought I was bluffing.

Except I wasn't.

"Sam, try and understand what it's like to spend most of your life without your mom. I did. And now that I have her back, this time I'm not gonna lose her." My voice wavered a bit but was still controlled. Sam just stared at me, kinda creeping me out.

Nicole interrupted us. "Hey B."

"Hey," I answered, grateful for the interruption, saving me from any more arguing with Sam.

Then Glass's class started and she babbled on about some doll, before handing them out and walking out.

Josh turned back to me. "See Brooke, I always knew we'd have a family. Heeeee." I couldn't help but smile at how cute that was. I could feel Sam looking at me, her eyes burning into me. I flicked my head at her.

"Quite the family, huh Brooke. You seem to know a lot about mother's walking out." she muttered quietly, silent enough ath I was the only one to hear her.

I didn't respond. Instead I quickly rose and fled to the Novak, tears clouding my eyes. I'm such a bitch.

* * *

"Brookie. For the first time the emptiness I feel inside has nothing to do with bulimia." Nicole was sitting across from me in the Novak, looking at me with actual compassion in her eyes. I couldn't help but look at her happily, feeling good to know she actually cared.

Mary Cherry burst in. "But Brooke, who will I look to to guide me through the dark perilous minefield that is teen skin care?" Oh Mary Cherry. She was insane, but I loved her in my own way just like Nic. She still scared be sometimes though.

"Guys, listen, I promise to come visit as often as I can, but my mind is made up." I nodded my head, emphasizing my point.

Nicole looked at me sadly. "Well, I'm happy for you B. I know how much it's meant finding your mother, and I think I speak for both of us when, I say, we both just want you to be happy." She sounded genuine. And I'd gotten to know Nic well enough to know when she was faking.

People wonder why I kept her around. Well, it was for moments like this. She actually was a good person under it all.

"Thanks. Really? Gosh that means so much to me!" I gave her a big hug, I couldn't resist. "Ok. Wish me luck." Mary Cherry reached out to hug me, but THAT wasn't happening. Instead I shook her hand… very very very awkwardly. Yes, it required three very's. "Umm… yea… Josh is next." I turned and marched out. I mean, I know that they were going to be cheering that I'm leaving once I was out of sight and hearing range. But they were genuine when they said they'd miss me, they just would also look at it as an opportunity.

It was time to confront Josh. Wait, confront? Is that really the word I want to use? No! It was time to… speak with Josh. Converse? Gah it didn't matter. Uh oh, I'm hyperventilating. Breathe. Breathe. Maybe I should take a breather.

I slipped into a conveniently empty classroom. OK. This was ok. I could do this. Josh would understand. I threw my face into my hands. Who was I kidding? This was going to go badly. He'd freak, then I'd freak. We'd make a scene, and then…

Damnit Brooke, get a hold of yourself! If you think like this it really will happen. I spent a few minutes composing myself, before exiting the room, passing by Mary Cherry and Nicole already hatching some insane plan. I was actually somewhat glad I was going to miss this one.

I walked up to Josh, tugging my sleeves nervously. "Hey B," he called out.

"Hey," I answered lamely.

"Hey is this a diaper rash?" He held the baby's butt right up to my face. What? This isn't how this was supposed to start. And seriously, holding a baby's rear right up to my face, what's up with that? "I mean, the thing has been growing for like the last 2 periods."

Oh Josh. He's just so cute, and I can't help but smile at his naïve innocence. "Uhh yea it probably just needs some baby powder."

"Oh right." He paused. "Hey umm, I was thinking maybe you and I and the uh, kids could get together this Friday night, you know like a play date. What do you say to Chucky Cheeze's huh? Little pizza little skeeball." As he's speaking, I feel my stomach falling. Oh god. This is gonna be harder then I thought.

"Uhh… Josh. Friday uh probably won't work for me because umm…" His face is falling, and shit, now I'm too scared to say it. I can't do it. No-no-no NO! "You see my mom and me we're going…" My pause leaves him expecting something. "…to dinner. Yea."

"Uhmm… no problem how about Saturday?" he asks, a little put off but also seeming to understand. He's too good for me.

Before I can think of something, my phone rings. Thank god! Saved by the ring. "Gah. Hold on."

I drop down, pulling stuff out of my purse and placing it on the ground in search of my phone. It was my mom! We have a brief conversation, where she tells me she can get me into the Damien Hurst exhibit. No freaking way! It's awesome. I tell her I'll be right out and hang up. Then I look up at Josh, already feeling a bit guilty, but the excitement is still in firm control.

"Uh listen I gotta go, my mom has arranged a private viewing of the new Damien Hurst exhibit. Ok, bye!" I turn and jump, literally prancing towards the door.

I faintly hear Josh's dejected, "Cya," but I don't stop. I've gotta see my mom!


End file.
